A comedian I like once asked rhetorically why you should worry about
what women thought of you because how much loving do you get on
referral anyway? I'll admit I did laugh but then it occurred to me
that I had received referrals for new girlfriends from old
girlfriends. I say girlfriend but what I mean was this girl who
kissed me once, specifically first. She called me up out of boredom
one day that summer and asked what I was up to I gave her a rundown
and then she said she had a girlfriend who was interested in meeting
me because she had, quite correctly, informed her about my good looks
and amazing kissing skill. We had evidently had quite different
experiences there with our foray into kissy-time. I had spent years
humorously retelling the trauma of my first kiss. I was always on the
lookout for new angles on the girl front so I agreed to work out a
meet up after I had talked with her friend on a three way call. I
drove over to my friends house and discovered that by some cruel turn
of fate that knowing that a girl was in to me paralyzed my natural
outgoing friendliness and made me a nervous wreck. I was quiet and
reserved and weird my hands were sweaty and my mouth was dry which
had not happened in a group of girls I was trying to impress since I
was twelve. The night was a stilted and awkward mess that ended up
fizzling out early when someone had to do something and I had to head
home. Right as soon as I was away from the crippling effects of
mutual attraction I started yelling at myself while I drove home,
insulting myself for cowardice, and asking myself exactly what the
hell was wrong with myself. As is the case with me many times I
started thinking of what I should have said and done if my brain had
not been locked up by social anxiety. I felt like I had blown my
chance but the next day when I got back from climbing my brother gave
me the message that 'Monucha' had called and wanted me to call her
back. I assumed that Monucha was in fact Monica from the previous
night and I had received my reprieve.
