 |
| Truly a thing of beauty |
One toy that lasted for quite a few years and got plenty
of on label and off label use was the water weenie. It is a long tube
with two stabilizing pontoons that you inflate and then ride on while
it is toed behind a boat. It was supposed to be a nice family ride
for kids and adults together but my dad liked to give our little
bodies the stress test with it, and we loved going a long for the
ride. The plan was that we would be towed out to where we couldn't
hurt ourselves or others in the event, I mean when the event, of our
wild ejection occurred. Then my dad would spool out plenty of tow
line so he had some material to work with then he would get us going
in one direction and then turn so quickly that it released tension on
the rope. We would slowly start to drift to a stop while he brought
the boat around in several tight circles putting slack in the rope
and a drastic change in direction. Then he would hit the throttle in
the opposite direction of where we were pointed and try and get to
Mach 1 before he hit the end of the rope. This little dance took
about a minute and in that time you had to wait and practice your
hand and thigh squeeze in anticipation of the massive jolt that was
about to come. The rope that was pooled in circles around the weenie
would start to tighten and then the last twenty feet would pull out
of the water so quickly it would sizzle as the water was forced out
of the rope. Then Wham! Your whole body accelerated to ten or twenty
miles per hour in less then a second and you either flew off or rode
it out because after the initial snap the weenie was incredibly easy
to ride. The victims would be picked up and the survivors got to ride
another time until they also were ripped off. As far as off label
uses go we would sometimes fill up the weenie and ride it on the
trampoline or jump onto it from the tramp like a cowboy in an old
western onto his horse. The very funniest use for it though was
discovered by accident when the weenie was half inflated and our over
amorous dog Beau tried to make the half flaccid weenie his girlfriend. He
would jump on the mostly limp nose cone and get right to work on the
lovemaking and my brother or I would jump hard on the opposite end
instantly tightening the nosecone and assaulting our dog's private
parts. He would be thrown back and be confused for a little bit, look
around and then remount the now limp nose cone to attempt to finish
his consummation. We laughed so hard at this that we were nearly
crying and Beau just seemed happy to have a girlfriend.
