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| When Only The Very Finest In Bottled Flatus Will Do, Care Enough To Send The Best. |
As you may have gathered from my previous stories, being poor taught
us two very important skills, innovation and industry. Until I was 8 or so my
brother and I would bathe at the same time to save my mom hot water and
time. It was not the case that our tandem baths went any faster. We would play from the time
the bath was warm until it cooled to freezing . Then we would keep topping it up
with a little shot of the hot. We would bring in an army of toys and
make up all sorts of games with an aquatic or amphibious theme. The funny part was that we had a few
measuring cups that we would play with and sometime in the course of our youthful
baths we discovered that if they were inverted they would catch gaseous emissions on their rise to the surface. A trick we used extempore for a
while enjoying them fresh from the tap, so to speak. We then worked out that we could actually catch those self same farts not just in inverted cups but in plastic bottles. Once in
the bottle and capped the fart would stay juicy fresh and full of flavor for quite a
while. Really ideal for any fart related prank, one on the shelf was
indispensable for emergencies. The other benefit was that anyone, not just the producer, could uncap and squeeze out a bottled fart in a pinch. That is what got my
brother and I's little gears of industry churning. We offered our bottled
farts at school from 25 cents. Business wasn't exactly brisk but farts were
sold. Somehow it never caught on big, something about being ahead of our time. We went back to bottling our
excreted gases purely as non-profit pastime. You know? For the love of the
game.
