I keep remembering out of order stories that I will have to put back
in order when I get the chance but I have to get them down or I will
forget them again. Almost the whole time I lived in Santaquin we had
some neighbors who had lots of kids. Lots and lots of kids. They had
a daughter a little older than me And a son a little younger and then
ten more from there to the ground. So twelve in total, maybe thirteen
because they may have had more kids once I moved away. Their house
was not large and they were not people of means so it was a really
tight ship over there. They had a odd whole foods fascination long
before it had become the fad and their mom made everything with lots
of vegetable inclusions and everything was made of whole wheat. Long
before Jerry Sienfield's wife was trying to convince mom's to smuggle
nutrition into their kid's diets this lady was making zucchini shred
whole wheat cookies and trying to pass them off as treats. No ma’am,
that abomination is not a treat. If you consider that the thrust of
western civilization was to provide cheap access to white flour and
Angry Bird apps she was, with her nasty pseudo-cookies, slapping
everyone from Galileo to Paula Dean in the face -metaphorically. I
was over at their house once playing cars, which consisted of taking
matchbox cars and smashing them into each other as hard as you could
to see whose would flip, great game by the way, when cookies were
announced. In my tragic naivete thought that that meant delicious
cookies not horrible squash and bread dough lumps and I lead the
charge up the stair to see what was in store for me. I gave the odd
looking thing the benefit of the doubt because it was a cookie and I
was burned. Adults lying about confections if one of the reasons I
struggle with liking people. I tried to eat it but the nasty glob
would not obey my commands and just be chewed and swallowed. After a
fruits but valiant effort I tried to swallow and gagged the mess back
into my hand and the lady of the house was incensed and her
brainwashed kids were confused at why I retched up a perfectly good
'cookie'. I was throw out and told to go home. I was glad to, I have
no need for nasty false cookies and no need for a lady who thinks
whole wheat is good food.
