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| Not as fun as it looks. I can tell that by looking at it because I am not an idiot. |
My crazy history teacher was from the old school. That oldest of schools - the deep south. He had relics from his less civilized past and one of his prized possessions was a punishment paddle, complete with nickname and speed holes. He would regale us with tales of laying the wood to some southern trouble maker kid and we would absorb the majesty of it with awe. Most of us would. There was one kid in our class who was a little on the tougher side of tough guy. He was unimpressed by the paddle, its nickname and its speed holes. The teacher was, in turn, unimpressed with the bravado of a kid who had no idea what he was talking about. The boy claimed he could take a whack or two from the dread paddle, no problem. The rest of the class got really quite as the teacher and this student escalated the war of words. Then the teacher offered to let the kid try his hand, rather bottom, at corporal punishment. The kid strutted up with a confidence further illustrating his lack of experience with paddling. The wager was set that if he could voluntarily take three whacks he would get and 'A' for the midterm test. 'The Position' was explained and demonstrated and the cocksure youngster took a nonchalant legs spread, bent at waist, hands on table stance. He smirked and joked as the lunatic teacher took a few practice whacks at the air, warming up the speed holes and his wrist. The teacher told us all to count out the smacks and to judge if Monsieur Badass won or lost his wager. With everything ready and in place he stood one good step away from the naive boy and stepped into a massive swing that hit with so much force that it lifted the previously smug teenager off his feet just a little. The sound was awesome and terrible. The class didn't know weather to cringe, or laugh or what while the boy hopped around rubbing the sting out of his bottom while the teacher stood calmly considering the paddle he was spinning in his hand while he waited for the kid to calm down.
When the boy had stopped jumping and rubbing the teacher just said, "Two more, are you ready?"
The boy lined up for the encore and as he put his hands down on the table, reconsidered and called off the demonstration.
“Just one, tough guy?”, The maniac teacher asked.
The boy didn't answer he just walked back to his desk a little more experienced and a little more respectful of the power of a paddle with speed holes in the hands of a professional. As were we all. . .as were we all. The most amazing thing about this to me in retrospect was not that this happened or that the gun shooting incident happened but that this teacher was not fired for several years.
When the boy had stopped jumping and rubbing the teacher just said, "Two more, are you ready?"
The boy lined up for the encore and as he put his hands down on the table, reconsidered and called off the demonstration.
“Just one, tough guy?”, The maniac teacher asked.
The boy didn't answer he just walked back to his desk a little more experienced and a little more respectful of the power of a paddle with speed holes in the hands of a professional. As were we all. . .as were we all. The most amazing thing about this to me in retrospect was not that this happened or that the gun shooting incident happened but that this teacher was not fired for several years.
