One
of the perks of having been associated with student government for so
long was that I got to make some pretty influential friends. When
the student body president and I had gone to Freedom Academy we met
the governor's son. He was pretty cool guy so that winter when he
invited us over to his house for a party at the governor's mansion we
headed right up. It wasn't the real governor's mansion because the
real governor's mansion burned down sometime earlier that year and
they were building them a new one. So the first family of Utah was
slumming it in a normal huge house instead. At the party we played
basketball in the backyard, hung out downstairs talking and being
cool. I was there with my girlfriend, one of my best friends, the
student body president, and some really rich kids. Down where we were
from a rich kid would be considered middle class everywhere else. At
this party we were hanging out with kids whose families had hundreds
of millions of dollars. They were still pretty cool which was in
stark contrast to everything I had been taught in
underdog-beating-rich-kids-movies. My girlfriend was hitting it off
pretty well with that a girl from Park City whose dad was in the oil
business. I saw my opportunity to sneak off and address the urgent
call of nature I was battling at the moment. I wandered away and I
found the most secluded bathroom in the basement of the governor's
mansion. I checked both ways in the abandoned hall and then I walked
in. I turned on the fan, turned on the faucet and even opened a
window to ensure that I was pooping in absolute stealth mode. When I
wrapped up my business and readied for a clean escape I lowered the
lid went to flush when I noticed a quite big sign that been obscured
by the raised lid: 'This toilet is out of order - please do not use.'
Whoops. I was in a panic. I got some more toilet paper and tried to
camouflage the payload and then I washed my hands, turn off the light
and fan. I slowly opened the door and poked my head out to make sure
the hall was abandoned and then sneaked out - super stealth mode. I
had left them an ample souvenir and did not want to be associated
with that particular crime. I snuck down the hall and then went
upstairs before I came back downstairs as to cover my tracks and
double back to throw any trackers off the scent not unlike a crafty
raccoon. When I was going up the stairs I passed the governor and his
wife who just returned from a night out. They stopped and introduced
themselves to me and shook my hand. It felt awkward to be glad
handing the political royalty of Utah on a stairwell literally
seconds after I had desecrated their malfunctioning downstairs
restroom but politicians politic and I would sooner stop a bird from
singing then to deny a man in the charisma business the chance to
press the flesh. I got upstairs and milled around for long enough to
throw everybody off and then came back downstairs. We spent the rest
the night chatting and hanging out and playing games. Sometime around
one o'clock in the morning somebody went back into that downstairs
bathroom and saw what I had done and then complained loudly about
what they had found in the broken toilet. I acted shocked that
anybody would be that rude and I never confessed to anybody until
much later when I could share this funny story about the time that I
had left in ambush poop at the ersatz governor's house. All things
considered that is a pretty awesome thing to have done in my life.
