I like girls and I even liked them before we were supposed to. So
when I heard we were going to have a couple of dances in middle
school I was I little subtly excited. It was one of those nerd
fantasy moments when you think for some reason there may be a chance
that someone cute and cool asks you to dance. There is no chance. I
wanted to dance, I wanted to dance with girls but I had so much
anxiety about it that I could feel my heart beat in my chest and get
short of breath when I just imagined asking someone to dance. Because
we were only twelve they didn't have the dances at night just in the
lunchroom/stage area in the afternoon when we would usually have gym.
They were playing music from a very basic sound system when we all
get filled in with everyone giving of the obligatory pre-teen
grumbles of thinking everything is going to suck. They didn't turn
the lights down or serve alcohol the two great crutches of social
interaction afforded to adults and so everyone self consciously went
and sat on the steps in front of the stage while a few adventurous
groups of girls stood around in circles talking. As far as I could
tell no one had worked up the courage to come ask me to dance yet so
I decide to give myself a little space from the pack of nerds that
always seemed to settle, inexplicably, wherever I did and give out that lobo solo vibe
so the ladies could see I was ready to dance and they didn't need to
be shy. I may not have fully grasped the intricacies of female
interpersonal and group psychology because even my 'putting off the
vibe' gambit failed to fill the old dance card. After about 45
minutes a group of two boys and two girls started kind of joke
dancing in the corner for a minute and then that dried up and we all
sat out the last 15 minutes of our allegedly fun-time-reward-dance
and then went back to class with me feeling a lot a bit disappointed
that no girls worked up the courage to ask me to dance. They were
just a little shy and felt awkward I guess.
