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| Used mainly to swing in my hand by its handle while I waited for school to open |
My
mom wanted musicians and with some of my brothers and sisters she got
some, with me she just got heartache and sadness. I was a two time
piano lesson drop out and I had played a piano recital using a song I
wrote myself. It was not good, I should have stuck with Frere Jacques
and called it a night. Having abandoned the piano my mom encouraged
me to join either band or orchestra. I definitely didn't want to be
in band because it was full of nerds who were referred to by even
other nerds as 'band fags'. I couldn't risk it, so I went with
something non nerdy and definitely heterosexual – the violin. I was
actually really excited to pick it up because it would be fun to
fiddle and jig to entertain my friends and family and to woo
potential love interests. I went with my mom and bought one that was
quite expensive for our little families budget but my dad said that
if I was serious it was a good investment. I was serious all right I
was going to practice for one hour every day. Every single day. I
went to orchestra at seven, an hour before school, on the first day
and I was so excited and jumping the gun as the orchestra teacher
tried to orient 20 kids with different instruments. She got to the
four violinists and put tape on the neck where our fingers should go
and I was precociously good at plucking out the right string when she
called for it. I carried my violin case with me around the seventh
grade hall and when people would ask I would give them a casual-cool,
'Oh this? It's my new violin, I play violin you know.'
I
went home right after school and forwent the playtime in favor of a
little violin practice. It went well and by the end of the day I
could pluck out Yankee Doodle. Dandy. The next morning having to get
up at six was less entertaining but I got to orchestra on time after
walking in the near dark of early morning. I was so excited to show
the teacher what I learned and I did and she said I was doing it
wrong and that I should only practice what she outlined so that the
class could all learn together and we would all do it right. It broke
my heart and made me mad and I hated her so bad it hurt. That
afternoon I didn't practice. The next morning I told my mom I was
sick and I couldn't go. The morning after that I was woken up and
bundled out no excuse withstanding and I walked as slow as I could
the four blocks to the school and then I circled the building holding
my violin and burning time until they opened the regular doors at
7:30. That became my morning routine because I couldn't tell my
parents that I had dropped out of orchestra and was now irreparably
behind. Late in November after two months of skipping class and
practice some cursed newsletter informed my mom that there would be a
orchestra Christmas recital. I couldn't come clean so I just loaded
up with my family and went to the Christmas recital, violin in tow. I
walked in and started getting out my violin and the orchestra teacher
came over and asked what I was doing I told her I was here for the
recital and she was speechless. She mentioned that I had not been in
class for two months and that I had no idea what we were doing but
she said that I could sit with the group while they plucked out a
Christmas medley. She said that if I wanted to be in recitals I would
have to come to class and practice. Fair enough I though, fair
enough. I endured the recital miming plucking to fool my parents. And
I thought the coast was clear until I saw the teacher talking with my
mom who was looking distressed. We shortly had a little talk of our
own where I looked distressed as my mom recounted her disappointment
personally that I had been lying about going to class and hiding in
the snow outside the school instead of going in to practice. She told
me how much the violin cost an dhow much sacrifice that was. I was
sad but I wasn't changing my mind so I just waited for her to blow
herself out. We sold the violin and I only saw the teacher a few more
times as she had then moved onto teaching high school and the youth
symphony. She was obviously better at her job than I was at mine.
