In Junior High we were required to take a three part class called
TLC. Technology – Life -and Career. I did not have much success in
these classes. All of the eighth graders were divided into three
groups and You would spend a third of the year in each class and then
switch. You know? Like circuit training for young minds. My group
started out in the technology section which was supposed to teach us
to use computers. They definitely succeeded in teaching me how to
pick a computer furthest from the teacher and to play Oregon Trail
for the whole class. I say the whole class but a good part of the
class was spent goofing off and hanging out with the other
disruptions and chatting. The teacher had been nicknamed 'Little Miss
Makeup' in reference to her diminutive stature and her penchant for
piling on the foundation, base, blush and eye shadow. Gobs of it. I
did not make up the name 'Little Miss Makeup' but at that stage of my
comedic development I was not above riffing on someone else's low
hanging fruit. I worked out a little mime routine wherein I would
show how 'Little Miss Makeup' might prepare herself for the day. When
she was out of the room I would gather an audience and proceed to sit
prissily on a chair. Next I would slide over a huge imaginary tub of
base and scoop two big handfuls out and trowel it onto my face. I
would give it a quick check and see that there was not enough
imaginary makeup on my face and dip my whole face in the bucket for a
wallow. The bit was always killing at this point. I would then grab
another tub and make similarly exaggerated blush and eye shadow mimes
and then pull out a grotesque pretend mascara wand and slather my eye
shut with fantasy mascara and then comically pry my eyelids back
open. Absolute comedy murder. Then she would come back into the room
and we would have to play it cool. Except if I could get behind her
and I would make a hand full of makeup maneuver and pretend to
freshen up so the other kids could see and she could not. She was
sweet and pleasant and she would always turn and ask me what I was
doing to make the other kids laugh and I would say I didn't know. The
joke would have tapered off and died with a whimper if I hadn't been
ratted out by a little suck up tattle tale. I was unexpectedly called
into the principles office for the second time in my first four weeks
at my new school and there was the little miss obviously in post-cry
dishevelment and the principal looking very unhappy. I knew what it
was about but I decided for a little of the old play dumb. When the
door was closed the principal took a slow measured look at me and
tisked before he told me what the situation was. He told me that a
student in my technology class had told my teacher that I had been
mocking her by miming out a makeup routine. I was going to try for a
'What? Who me?' but I could tell by his tone is was telling not
asking and I decided to keep quite and not make it worse. He asked if
I would care to demonstrate what I had been showing the class. I told
him I would not. I was so ashamed and sad that I had hurt my
teacher's feeling that I felt like crying. The principal asked if I
thought how my joke would make the teacher feel and I had to honestly
tell him that I had in all the purest honesty of my heart never
contemplated her feelings I was just enjoying the attention of my
peers. This was when Little Miss Makeup decided to compound my shame
by telling me she wore so much make up because she was embarrassed by
the many deep acne scars she had on her face from when she was a
teenager. She then asked how I would feel if someone made fun of my
facial scar and I started to cry because I did know how it felt and
now I was doing it to someone else. Luckily, breaking down made them
ease up on the guilt trip and they just told me I needed to consider
other people's feelings before I made a joke. They let me have enough
time to finish bawling and saying sorry before I had to go back to
class. I wish I could say that little intervention changed my life
and I was always kind from that day forth, not so much. I left off
making fun of anyone who was an obvious target and stuck to making
fun of the popular kids and jocks from then on and I never made fun
of someones face or what they did with it ever again.
