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| For that classy suit coat with no shirt look. Only she knows. Well, only her and Jesus. |
To the powers that be there was a desperate need for all
eighth-graders in our Junior high to take Home EC which meant a class
in sewing with the angry clown lady. She had chosen an essential
piece of wardrobe for each of us to make during our time in her class
– The Dickey. If you were not around in the fifties and sixties or
you were not a massive nerd during those eras you may not know what a
Dickey is, and good for you if you don't. A Dickey is a disembodied
turtleneck collar that you could wear if for some reason you wanted
to wear a sweater or jacket with no shirt under it but you wanted the classy
look of a turtleneck. When you would want to do that is never.
Regardless of the usefulness of such a accessory we were required to
cut out and sew one to get a grade in the class so we all did. What I
did was work out exactly as many double entendres as were possible to
construct in the English language. The key with a really good double
entendre is plausible deniability so you could play innocent if the
need should arise. An example of a punishable double entendre would
be to hold the Dickey at crotch level and say something like, 'look
at my Dickey.' You see how it was too heavy handed? While good for
the laugh it will get you yelled at and kicked out; steer clear of
this amateurish technique. A better option would be something like
this, “Teacher! Trent keeps touching my Dickey and it is making me
uncomfortable.” Do you see how this is nonpunishable? I protected
myself by having some possibility that I was actually referring to
the actual Dickey and not just using it as a joke word stand in. For
some reason the teacher was getting increasingly frustrated with my
constant stream of Dickey humor. She told me over and over to stop
making Dickey jokes so I would just say something like;
'So you don't want me to talk about my Dickey anymore?'
She would say 'Yes.'
'But what if my Dickey looks funny and I am self conscious about it?'
She would say, 'Shut up or you are going to have to leave the class.'
'okay.'
I would really mean to not say one more thing but then a joke would
occur to me and I would say, 'Teacher, make Danial take his dickey
home and wash it, it smells funny.'
'Get out!'
okay.
