Although they had a nice idyllic life that I coveted it didn't stop
me from spreading a little of our families patented chaos wherever
and whenever I could. Whenever someone was over at our house they got
a heaping helping of it, if they wanted it or not but in the field the chaos
came in doses and generally when I was able to suggest some
ridiculous course of action because we had been left without adult
supervision. It was on such a day that we were sliding down Quin's
carpeted stairs which was not that crazy as far as those things go
and we had actually done it before. Where it got crazy was that I
applied the full engineering power of my young mind to deliver
greater speed. The main issue with building speed was that the stairs
were built so that at the end of their fourteen tread decent the
terminated first into a three foot landing and then into a wall. We
had started the sliding using sleeping bags but I felt that the
flexible cloth bag was leaving to much gravitational acceleration on
the table. I started to work out a plan whereby our vehicle would
have enough rigidity to span at least two steps so we could eliminate
the energy wasting bumping. The physics was sound but there are times
when it is better to have an understanding of all the consequences
and not just the considerations of the proximal problem. Maybe I was
a little like Robert_Oppenheimer
in that regard, very little like him, very very little. Anyway, I
went outside and found a two-by-four that was four feet long and with
a saw I rounded the front making a passable if thin ski. After I had
my ski I set about making it faster by nailing a two foot wide piece
of cardboard to the bottom. Then I nailed two boards crosswise to
make some nice seats. It was truly a engineering wonder built for
speed at all costs. We went back in to give it a test run which I did
all alone with my feet out in front to break my decent before I hit
the wall. It was fast and smooth and descended at a magnificent rate.
It was all I could do to stop myself as I came to the bottom.
Bolstered by the success of my brilliant design I invited my friend
and his little brother on the next trip down. My friend sat on the
back rung seat, I sat on the front and his little brother, about four
at the time, had to sit on my lap so he was in the lead. We balanced
on the seats and Quin put his feet up on the cardboard and I butt
scooted us to the stair-top precipice and we were off. Success can be measured
in many ways, in the sense that we descended the stairs faster than
ever before the ride was a great success. By the criteria that no
one's head went through the wall at the bottom of the stairs I would
have to, in all fairness, admit it was less then perfect. When I
applied the breaks at the end of the ride I had failed to calculate
the extra passengers and Quin ran into me and his little brother flew
forward off my lap and out of my arms and his head penetrated the
sheet rock wall in a perfect circle. I thought he was going to be badly
injured but he just pulled his head out, which was mercifully
unmarked, and cried a little out of shock more than pain. We had
dodged a bullet in avoiding maiming a little boy but we were still
left with the problem of a six inch round hole in the wall about
eighteen inches off the ground. We masterfully covered our sin with a
poster of a Lamborghini that we taped over the hole. We thought we
were free and clear because at that age we failed to reason out that
his mom or dad would most likely find it extremely odd that there was
a poster on the wall where it didn't belong that was mounted six
inches off the ground. Finding such a placement curious they may
preform the rudimentary investigation required to see that it was
there to cover a hole in the wall that was definitely not there when
they left the house. I don't know exactly how it played out because I
once again took the better part of valor and discretion-ed my way
back home with all possible haste. The ruse was uncovered fairly
quickly and I was not invited to be at my friends house when parents
were gone ever again. Honestly, that was not a bad decision and I
didn't begrudge them their judgment.
