Speaking of the mud digs cash run the next year I was lined up in
some rather tatty clothes, having learned my lesson. I was then at
the maximum age of twelve when who should line up by me but the two
year older Mikey of The Bully Mikey fame. I was nervous to begin with
because of his fearsome reputation and my previous run ins with him.
My concern only deepened when he started thinking out loud how he was
going to kill anyone who got in his way because he needed that F-ing
money. He went on to talk to none of us and all of us about why he
needed the F-ing money. He declared he needed money for a date that
he had with a girl that night and without these extra funds he would
most likely not receive any physical stimulation as remuneration for
his investment of time and money. He may not have said it so fancy,
in fact I think he used a phrasing more like “I need that F-ing
money for my date to night or I won't be getting any ass.” Far be
it from me to risk a beating and potentially deny a worthy young man
the potential of such an invigorating engagement. I felt like someone
should mention that this race was for younger kids but felt like
maybe I was not the man, or boy if you will, for the job but while
the announcer went over the rules I looked around at some adults
meaningfully trying to get them to read my mind and kick Mikey out.
No one did and the race began, Mikey easily outpaced his younger and
intimidated competition and took home the prize. I never got the
chance to follow up and see if he was indeed rewarded for his efforts
from the young lady but I hope he was. Just because he cheated and
scared me doesn't mean I will begrudge him his dry-hump if he has it
coming.
