Incredibly Generous Offers

 I went to the kitchen got a drink and then had to use the bathroom. I was in way to deep and I needed an escape plan before this girl, quite reasonably as it happens, assumed that I was as into her as she was into me. I really didn't want this thing to get out of hand and her feelings to get hurt but I think it was already to late for that. I took as long in the bathroom as a pee could reasonably take without drifting into the amount of time that could be considered stalling, or even worse - pooping. I came out to the still darkened house where my date was waiting in the kitchen. I tried to diffuse the situation a little by talking a little over-loud, joking and asking where everyone was. They were, horrifyingly out of town for the entire weekend. She told me this in an obviously inviting way and I panicked a little inside knowing that there was no convenient time limit that I might work towards, which had been my original plan. In adult retrospect I realize that what I should have done was turn on the lights and in as gentle way as I could muster apologize and tell her that I was not interested in pursuing this relationship and then drop that classic old face saving lie about wanting to still be friends. If you are familiar at all with the convention of qualifying the next action by offering a repentant ex post facto mea culpa then you may recognize that last bit there as a feeble attempt at justification and rationalization of what I did actually do. What I did do was follow her when she took my hand and led my downstairs to the family room and sat me on the couch and then she sat on my lap with her hands around my neck ready for the kissing to begin. I had a deep twinge of guilt but there she was, ready and willing and such a nice kisser that I thought just a little kissing would be nice after all. After a little of that she whispered in my ear that I could do anything I wanted to her. That is when the guilt got too much to bear and I made a little distance between us an looked her in the eye and came really close to doing the right thing. I told her that I liked her a lot but that we might be moving to quickly and we should take it slow. She was once again her very sweet and accommodating self and said whatever I wanted was fine. I felt let off that particular hook a little and she sat close to me and turned on the television and gave me the remote and told me to pick something we could watch together. I was rolling through what for that time was a huge amount of channels and got into the high number adult ones that we all paid for and un-scrambled; it was a teen boy holy grail. While I flipped though she told me that if I wanted to watch any of those channels it was fine with her. Two incredibly generous offers in a row and I once again declined. Instead I found a movie that was on and just starting and we settled in and cuddled while we watched. She had actually fallen asleep on my shoulder with her hand on my chest by the time the movie ended and I tried to gently extract myself and leave quietly but she woke up and said goodbye and kissed me. I walked back upstairs and noticed the mix tape she had made for me on the table and I agonized over whether it would hurt her more to take it and then break up with her or just leave it. I took it, drove home and tried to decide what to do.