The other thing that the CB could do with the proper equipment
installed was to act as a PA system. A PA system of mockery and
public ridicule. We could turn on a PA and drive past a girl and a
boy flirting in a parking lot and I would say, “Kiss her, I did.”.
We could drive by some cowboys and if we knew one of their names I
could make my voice sound like a sheep and say 'Kaaaaam is my
faaaather.' and then laugh while they got riled up by the implication
that they had participated in some barnyard buggery and sired a part
human part sheep monstrosity. We could flirt, mock, taunt and startle
all from the comfort of the cab with a mic in the hand and mischief
in the soul. We especially liked to break it out when visiting a
rival school for a sporting event and let loose a torrent of insults
and provocations on all of the parking lot and then wait for the
mayhem to develop. One of the funniest things for us to do in our own
estimation was to play the song, 'Five Piece Chicken Dinner” by the
Bestie Boys over and over driving around whooping and hollering while
the thirty second song repeated.
I don't know why that worked for us
but it certainly did. We never got beat up for our antics but one
time we did pick up some girls from another town whom we subsequently
dated. The moral of the story, if there is one, is that being a jerk
is rewarded with the affections of ladies but we already knew that,
didn't we?
