Because I Am A Jerk

 A few weeks after the the elections, the hat trick, the Pearl Jam tickets and the girlfriend changing teams I was sitting around the conference table shooting the bull with the rest of the media class in our time to kill portion of the period. I was doing some kind of funny impromptu skit and getting some laughs when the guy who lost all of the aforementioned stuff and should have known better at this point, called me a queer and said I was not funny. Everyone is a critic. I stayed in character and started asking myself rhetorical questions such as:
“Question, how would I feel if I lost an election to an unfunny queer?”
I answered myself, “I don't know, I never have.”
“Question, how would I feel if I got tricked out of my hat by an unfunny queer and then had to cry and beg to get ti back?”
“Question, what if I lost my Pearl Jam tickets and my girlfriend to an unfunny queer?”
I answered rhetorically, “I would shut shut up.”

No one was laughing and the room had turned a ghastly shade of uncomfortable as everyone waited to see what my critics next move was going to be.
The last line of defense in the smartasses escape plan
 He tried for the enraged run across the room without a plan method of retribution but there was that pesky conference table that I was able to cat-and-mouse around while his poor purple face spat out threats and insults and I just laughed harder and harder. He went left and right and tried to devise a plan to ferret me out from my side of the table for the beating he so clearly wanted to administer. He finally jumped up on the table to try and get to me so I just ran out of the door into the library and went and sat by some underclass women who were studying and laughed at him beaching me back for a head punch party. I shook my head 'no' and then held a book up to shield the innocents from what I was about to do and flipped him off. The class ended and I headed out into the hall. By the next class break he was just giving me the stink eye and not trying to escalate the situation anymore. I don't think we ever talked again after that for any reason.