After
the first calf-cow combo were fattened up and then killed and in the
freezer my dad was hooked and started getting one every year chasing
the high I guess. We didn't ever get a cow/calf combo again but we
would get a steer which is a young bull that has been castrated to
make it less aggressive and to grow faster. Less aggressive is a
relative term which means less aggressive compared to a bull which is
generally regarded as one of the most vicious animals in the animal
kingdom. Besides that, they grow very quickly and are incredibly
strong. That is one reason why I was always skeptical about young
punks telling stories claiming they had been 'cow tipping'. If you
have ever felt how big heavy and powerful cattle are claims of
tipping one onto its side with a well timed blow by a 100 pound kid
is dubious at best. We used to control the range of our steers with a
halter and rope. The problem with the system was it was easily
entangled and if the steer was mishandled he would be free and off to
the races. As free as a steer with a halter on in the middle of small
town America can be. One day when my friend Cole was over we were
untangling a young steer who was able to free himself on his own
recognizance and we were tasked with rounding him up. He was quite
quick and not super interested in getting tied back down so we were
trying to back him into a corner to trap him. Now when I write that
it sounds like a prima
facie
bad idea as being backed into a corner is a well known faux
pas. As is using all
sorts of foreign phrases. We backed him into a corner and Cole took
one for the team by jumping on its head and trying to wrestle it down
by the horns is true rodeo fashion. This steer was only 6 months old
but he was 300 pounds of muscle and was drunk on freedom and was not
going to be sobered up by a scrawny kid with amateur technique and he
was off dragging Cole with him. Having failed on the first, and
second, and third, and forth, and fifth, attempts wherein Cole and I
took turns jumping on the steer's head and trying to slow him enough
to get re-roped we decided that we had had enough of getting drug
through the bushes and opted for the heavy machinery angle. We loaded
up a rope on a four wheeler and got him lassoed and tied to the four
wheeler which was also not quite strong enough to coax him back to
the homestead without peeling out and slipping sideways while
Hamburger (they were all named Hamburger without the ceremony of a
number) fought like a cattle William Wallace. Like the mighty Wallace
he was later caught drink driving and ranting about Jewish
conspiracies. You know? I think that may have been the actor. Like
the real Mr Wallace the cow was later killed and never won his
freedom.
