We Bring Home the Run Away Steer


After the first calf-cow combo were fattened up and then killed and in the freezer my dad was hooked and started getting one every year chasing the high I guess. We didn't ever get a cow/calf combo again but we would get a steer which is a young bull that has been castrated to make it less aggressive and to grow faster. Less aggressive is a relative term which means less aggressive compared to a bull which is generally regarded as one of the most vicious animals in the animal kingdom. Besides that, they grow very quickly and are incredibly strong. That is one reason why I was always skeptical about young punks telling stories claiming they had been 'cow tipping'. If you have ever felt how big heavy and powerful cattle are claims of tipping one onto its side with a well timed blow by a 100 pound kid is dubious at best. We used to control the range of our steers with a halter and rope. The problem with the system was it was easily entangled and if the steer was mishandled he would be free and off to the races. As free as a steer with a halter on in the middle of small town America can be. One day when my friend Cole was over we were untangling a young steer who was able to free himself on his own recognizance and we were tasked with rounding him up. He was quite quick and not super interested in getting tied back down so we were trying to back him into a corner to trap him. Now when I write that it sounds like a prima facie bad idea as being backed into a corner is a well known faux pas. As is using all sorts of foreign phrases. We backed him into a corner and Cole took one for the team by jumping on its head and trying to wrestle it down by the horns is true rodeo fashion. This steer was only 6 months old but he was 300 pounds of muscle and was drunk on freedom and was not going to be sobered up by a scrawny kid with amateur technique and he was off dragging Cole with him. Having failed on the first, and second, and third, and forth, and fifth, attempts wherein Cole and I took turns jumping on the steer's head and trying to slow him enough to get re-roped we decided that we had had enough of getting drug through the bushes and opted for the heavy machinery angle. We loaded up a rope on a four wheeler and got him lassoed and tied to the four wheeler which was also not quite strong enough to coax him back to the homestead without peeling out and slipping sideways while Hamburger (they were all named Hamburger without the ceremony of a number) fought like a cattle William Wallace. Like the mighty Wallace he was later caught drink driving and ranting about Jewish conspiracies. You know? I think that may have been the actor. Like the real Mr Wallace the cow was later killed and never won his freedom.