Fighting With Lindi

Don't bring something this cute to a fight with a semi-pro passive aggressive  B-hole. 

I am a talker and I will talk with anyone and everyone I can corner. I have always had this affliction and in fifth-grade I could not stop telling people about all of the things I knew or was thinking about or some smart ass comment I felt could not wait. My teacher had tried all sorts of punishments and control methods but I could not be stopped. She had even moved me to a seat apart from everyone and that didn't even work. She hit upon a great idea when she realized I was the biggest nerd in the class and all she had to do was sit me next to the coolest girl and she would have to ignore me out of social necessity. The girl was named Lindi and she was the coolest and most popular girl in class, maybe the grade. She had nice clothes, great hair, an amazing Trapper Keeper and no interest in talking to or conversing with me in the least. I tried everything to break through her freeze out, compliments, questions, humor, all of my usual forays were rejected with a twisted lip poopy look of derision. I was really and truly pissed that she was blowing me off and so I started a harassment/gas-lighting campaign to punish her. Our desks were together and had a trapper sized gap between the legs which she had always used to store her trapper. I started getting to class earlier than her and putting my trapper there and when she would push it out to put hers there I would complain to the teacher that Lindi was throwing my trapper on the floor. She was outraged that I stole he spot and then ambushed her into trouble. I started jamming the ball points of her favorite pens so that they skipped and ripped her paper which was the ultimate punishment for a perfectionist like her. I would also break her pencil leads and put them back loosely so when she wrote her pencil would break every time she tried to write. I would sign her name complete with cute flourish on papers which were done poorly and switch them for hers when she put them in the in-work basket. She got back sloppy papers marked to be redone and she was baffled about how her name got on a ugly sloppy paper. I hid her library book that she had returned so she got in trouble and then I returned it. Grade A jerk stuff. I was never caught and after a couple of weeks she was a nervous wreck and asked, nay begged, to be moved to another desk. She was and I got to sit by a pretty cool stoner kid who was not too cool for me and we had a great time. Lindi was not my friend not then, or later, or ever but she had become pretty much anonymous by the time we were in junior high so that bridge was not one I ever regretted burning.