When we drove to Colorado through the southern way we
would leave Utah to the East then go south heading through Cortez.
Just outside of Cortez in Mesa Verde which is an Anasazi settlement
with cities built into cliffs that was abandoned suddenly in the 13th
century. The cliff palace dwelling is built into a cave that is about
40' down a sheer cliff and now, for tourists, they have some ladders
and railing, and it is still super scary. When the Native Americans
were living there all they had to climb up and down with were these
little carved out hand holds. The hand-holds go down the cliff 40'
and then sideways for about 40'. I remember being terrified about
climbing down there with the ladder and rail and everything but that
I loved it when I was in the cave and houses. How afraid of your
neighbors do you have to be to put in a security system like that?
Of course that is not the point of the story, the point is we saw a
sloppy old lady with absolutely pendulous boo-sums wearing just
leather pants and a tube top. The tube-top is a litmus test of sorts,
no one that looks good in a tube top looks good because they are in a
tube top they look good in spite of the tube top. This lady's massive
breasts were barely contained in that bright green holster when she
was in repose and when she had to duck, climb, or crawl, as one often
does in ruins, she was engaged in full on battle with her own chest
to maintain dignity and modesty. My sister Christy and I thought that
the fact of her not wearing a bra and fighting and struggling with
her tube top was to funny to laugh at discretely and we followed her
around to observe her travails, for science. At one point on the
tour we had to crawl through a low door way a simple task for an 8
and 10-year old but when we were through we turned around to see how
friend boo-sums would make out. She was most of the way through and
was getting helped onto her feet when her tube top snagged on the
wall and was in danger of disgorging it charges so she quickly pulled
her hands back away from the people helping her through and pulled
her shirt back up with both hands at the expense of over balancing
and careening face first in to the archaeologically significant
floor. Everyone else on the tour gasped and tried to help and only
Christy and I laughed a few uncontrollably quick barks and then coved
our faces to try and stifle our mirth. She had a scratch on her face
and was shaken but no worse for wear. Christy and I would act out
that sceen over and over in the weeks and months to come.
Don't get me wrong, the place was amazing and it really
was one of the highlights of my childhood. I enjoyed the dwellings
and museum and the whole shooting match but when the comedy gods
smile on you you have got to strike while the hay is cutting bait, as
they say.
