The Wheels Come Off. . . Literally

The dance we were going to was The Sadie Hawkins Day dance where the girls asked boys and therefore far fewer people went. After the cute, quiet girl asked me she brought by my shirt which was the Sadie Hawkins Day dance tradition so that we could all be matching matchers. It was actually a really nice green corduroy shirt, much nicer than any I had so I kept and used it for a long time after the dance, like for ten years or so. The kids we were going with, mostly athletes and their girlfriends, jet setters as we called then. They were almost all football players except for two kids it been on the wrestling team with me. We weren't exactly friends on the wrestling team but we knew each other. Even though I didn't know any of the kids we hit it off really well and by the end of our date and dinner were all laughing about inside jokes. The funniest thing was after dinner we all went to the bathroom before we left to go to the dance and three of us were in the bathroom together and we overheard an old man doing mighty battle with his bowels, swearing out and cursing God. This struck us as exceptionally funny and we repeated things we heard him say for the rest the time I knew those guys. Thank-you random stranger with gastric-intestinal struggles, you sir were comedy gold. After the basically uneventful dance the kid who was driving us in his family's van noticed a little rattle, a thump and some vibration. True to my hamartia of always knowing something about everything, whether I do or don't, I suggested maybe the van was simply out of alignment and that sometimes driving faster was the key to smoothing that out. For the record, driving faster is virtually never the solution to a car problem. Fortunately for us he only tried my solution for a couple of seconds until he decided to stop the van and see what might be the problem. The problem was four of the five lug nuts on the front passenger tire had broken completely off and we were down to a single lug nut holding tire on, and precariously at that. Even I didn't have a solution for that so we had to stop on the side of the road and wait for rescue. A lot of people claim the wheels fell off of their date this is the only time, to my knowledge, it literally happened. We finally rounded up enough rides and we all got home and as I had promised to I called my girlfriend to tell her about what we've done and play up the comedy of the night and down play any close dancing and cuddling then may or may not have gone on. After I'd gone away to college I did actually go on one or two more dates with that Sadie Hawkins girl but nothing ever really came of it.