I struggled through the first day's orientations, pep talks, and what
I assume was a very fine leadership lesson from the authors of, “Star
Trek: Make It So: Leadership Lessons from Star Trek: The Next
Generation”. Actually, now that I think about the name of that book
I will change my assumption to boring even though and either way as
soon as the lights went out in the room I was asleep. The result of
not sleeping for the last 40 or so hours and having navigated the
teen highs of a kiss consummation and the lows of a dad reprimanding,
was that I was wiped right out. I fell into a deep, twitchy and if
the reports of those laughing around me when I startled back awake -
a sleep wherein I relived the pressures of my flatus both frequently
and loudly. Ha, Ha, Ha – Laugh it up you immature philistines.
Laugh it up, if the unintentional near scatological humor I was
uncontrollably providing would fill the void in your otherwise empty
lives. But for reals guys, don't. Guys? Be cool, Okay? I tried to
regain my dignity the best I could and I was refreshed somewhat by a
power nap and the rush of adrenaline that teenage shame had afforded
me. I got to my room which was a private room attached in the middle
by a bathroom to the room of my good friend and student body
president Joe. It is vital, for the sake of the story that you know
that either one of us to visit the other without going to the outside
hall. We unpacked and I went down to dinner and the night time meet
and greet and as soon as it was at all feasible, sometime around 10pm
I retired to to bedroom, an hour before lights out and the sudden and
total death I had been promised by the Major and my group's assigned
Sergeant. I laid down on the bed fully clothed fully intending to
rest for just a second and then pop up to brush my teeth and take off
my clothes. This did not happen. The next thing I know is that there
is someone banging loudly at my outside door and yelling at me to
open it. I was very much palatalized by the depth of my sleep and
semi-blinded by the eye scum forming on my left-in contacts. After a
few minutes of the pounding I rolled out of my bed and onto the floor
to make the journey to the door to see what the fuss was. I tried to
walk but my legs were having no part of my ill advised shamble and I
was forced to make the journey on my non-traitorous hands and knees.
I got to the door and undid the dead bolt and was pushed back into
the room by the overzealously opened door. It was a female soldier of
unremembered rank who was pissed right off at me. She was asking me a
series of questions about where I was and who I with I was laying on
the floor wedged in a most undignified way with my back against the
chest-of-drawers and the wall with my legs still entangled in the
door. She was standing over me yelling and asking who I had been
with. I was still somewhat blinded by my gunked up contacts and
muddled in my brain while I tried to explain that I had been asleep
and alone. She must have finally gotten cooled down enough to realize
that the confused mess of a boy on the ground in front of her was in
no ways looking like one who had just made a rapid retreat from a
illicit nighttime rendezvous. She asked me if I knew where the boy
from the next room over had been and I said as far as I knew he had
also been in his bed. She told me that I had better be careful
because the Major in charge had given special instructions to keep a
eye on me and my potential shenanigans. I said I had been in bed
sleeping before she started banging on the door, she apologized and
told me that a few people had told her I was the guilty party and she
was just worried that she was going to get into extra trouble because
I was already under scrutiny. I told her I was not going to be any
trouble and explained why the Major was upset with me we left on good
if not friendly terms. A few seconds later she knocked on my friend's
door and he opened it with a contrite look and a scripture in hand to
give her his alibi. She was easily mollified having spent her rage on
my interrogation and a few moments after I heard hid door close he
knocked on the interior bathroom door on our shared room. I answered
it and he apologized telling me it was he who had been out doing some
kiss-face with a girl from the next floor down and that he had made
his retreat and then heard me getting shaken down. He told me that he
was going to confess if I got into big trouble. I told him it was
okay and there in our shared bathroom he gave me a big hearty hug and
thanked me for being a good friend. I thanked him too and I went back
to sleep until five in the morning when a rather rude drill sergeant
came to remind me of my compulsory participation in PT. I was too
tired to even protest and I jogged and chanted about Eskimos and
other riming ribaldry.
