In terms of wins and losses my first varsity match was definitely a success, in terms of human dignity and the triumph of mind over matter – not so clear a victory. It was at another Saturday tournament when I was matched up against a kid who had been struggling with cancer and was very weak looking and mostly bald. A worthy foe. We lined up and I was conflicted at my natural concern for a guy who was clearly not doing well and my excitement over facing an opponent that was clearly not doing well. The whistle blew and I shot it and got my first take down in the wild. He fell hard and was already winded as I controlled him from the top as I tried to lock up my pinning position. In about 45 seconds I had him down and locked up for the pin, got the victory and then helped him up not feeling good at all. I was a little sick with myself for being happy that I beat a kid who was clearly not well but I rationalized it by thinking that I had no control of who they matched me up with and I was honor bound to try my best no matter who I was required to wrestle. After I got my hand raised in victory the coach came to congratulate me on my first varsity win and I said thanks but I thought I needed to fight someone less likely to die when I fought him to feel like a real winner. I got my chance the next round as I entered the winners bracket.