I was talking to my brother Matt the other night and he was asking
why I had never written about the time I got a swirly. I honestly
told him I didn't think I had ever gotten one. He reminded me of the
details and it all came back to me so without further, or farther
ado. As was my custom I liked to keep a joke going on past the point
where it was funny for most reasonable people and on into the
wasteland of personal danger. One night at our weekly church youth
activity night playing basketball with some older boys when I started
making a joke about one of the heavier and less coordinated one. I
kept pushing my luck because I thought if we were in church there was
not a chance that they would beat me up. They warned me to stop
several times. I declined to take them up on that word to the wise a
kept right on joking. After a few more minutes they followed through
on their threats and three of them picked me up and took me into the
bathroom for a swirly. A swirly is when someone or someones dip your
head into a toilet and then flushes it and thus swirls your hair. Not
the most dignified of experiences I can assure you. I was struggling
and fighting to wriggle free when they dipped my head and flushed and
then let me go. I fought back tears and tried to dry out my hair and
one of the boys who did it to me made sure I was okay and then told
me I just needed to learn when to shut up. I already knew that. I
tried to gather myself and put my long floppy hair out of my face. I
tried to take the most direct route home to take a shower and have a
good cry but I still ran into a few people on my way out of the
church and on my way home and I had to explain why I had sopping wet
hair in the middle of the night in the winter. I told them quickly
and kept up a brave face until I was out of the building and then I
broke down. I went home and cleaned up and a little while later on of
the church youth leaders called to see what happened and to offer to
talk to the kids who did the swirling parents to get them punished
but I said that it was okay and that I had been teasing the fat kid
so I was not really on the moral high-ground.
