My Mom is a Closet Bad-A

My mom is a lot more hardcore than you think. She does look like your typical off-the-shelf mild-mannered professional mother and nurse. That is just the facade she keeps up to keep from freaking out the squares. In high school she looked like Marsha Brady but she was into the really dark rock of the day.

Like this but really into Black Sabath

When I was in high school to scratch her go-faster-kill-kill my mom used to rent out a lazer tag arena late at night and invite all of our friends to come have a little cathartic shoot 'em up while listening to her favorite band – Rage Against The Machine. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4smim2MNvF8
One time she got so fired up on the pure world hating hate of the music that she was tricked in her own mind into thinking that she was a superstar ninja killer. A ninja killer is constrained by their nature to kick-butt which means doing flips over stuff. She was helpless to resist it so when she saw the opportunity she took it. In a moment of pure white hot passion she tried to do a front handspring flip over a waist high barrier. Sometime between her ill advised launch and where the mother hits the road physics kicked in to remind her of the physical limitations of a middle aged stay at home gardener.  Physics is a jerk. The upshot was that she over-rotated and landed on her knee and face. She played a little more until the adrenaline lost the battle with the pain and then she was done for a couple of weeks reduced from lazer warrior princess to hobbled house Frau. She kept the reason for her convalescence secret to her heart and told people that she had fallen in some mundane way because she was too embarrassed about being one hundred percent carved out of repressed rage and teeming hate.