When I got to remembering about beauty pageant winners I remembered I
forgot about the worst beauty pageants of my life. A cute girl who
was a year older then me and lived right through the block asked me
if I would like to co-host with her at the city 'Little Miss' beauty
pageant that year. I did because I thought she was hitting on me. She
was not. She was more looking for a co-host for a local low-rent
beauty pageant than anything else really. Once again my over active
libido and imagination had written a check my body wouldn't cash.
Dang, stupid puberty.
 |
| The costume looked like this but after a six week meth bender. |
The first step was to ride up to the costume
shop to get fitted for a suit and costume because the night was going
to have an unlicensed Disney theme. They told me I was going to go as
Mickey Mouse which I thought was fine because my face would be
hidden and no fuss, no muss. Well that was not the Mickey costume
they had in mind I was going to wear the Micky black leggings, big
yellow shoes, red oversize shorts with two inexplicably huge buttons
a tight black shirt and a massive Mickey head. The head was designed
to allow my face to replace Mickey's like I had killed and skinned
him and was wearing his head like a great warrior might wear a lion,
bull or bear. It looked so incredibly cheap and rip-offish that I was
embarrassed for the organizers who were putting this on. All of the
women who took me up to get fitted love, love loved it and finished
the look with the massive four finger mittens that were supposed to
make the outfit complete. It was complete. A complete cluster-cuss.
We didn't rehearse anything and they just told me to be at the school
ready for the show at five o’clock that coming Saturday. That is
where I learned the true meaning of humiliation, for myself and
others.
