There are certain rights of passage that if they were not cloaked in
the traditions of youthful shenanigans would just be crimes. As
student body officers elect we were subjected to formal initiations
and in the middle of the night some informal ones as well. I don't
sleep much and never have but what sleep I do require I guard
jealously. I am a bad waker upper and nothing sets me off into a
festering oozing lesion of rage faster and more thoroughly than being
woken up unjustly. The old student council had cleared a plan with my
parents that included my late night abduction by them wearing masks
to be whisked away to a little light hazing. Taking me unawares and
from blissful slumber earned these amateur hooligans a punch or
several in the face, head and shoulders. They came masked to my front
door in the middle of the night and my mom, sweet forgetful soul that
she is, had forgotten the plan to leave it open for them to
facilitate their crime. They were reduced to banging on my window and
the front door to entice me out. If they were looking for a fight,
and by all accounts they were not, they had found one. I started from
my bed in a flash of pure foggy hate and delirious anger ready to put
a little hurt on whomever was rap-tap-tapping at my bridge. I looked
out the window and saw the five masked morons cavorting and I ran
from my room to the front door and grabbed the first handy idiot by
the shoulder and gave him a punch in the ski-mask. Then I punched
another in the guts and then they all jumped off of our low porch and
ran to the penumbra of the midnight shadows cast by the porch lamp. I
was cussing and threatening to kill when the gut-punched student body
president pulled off his mask and reveled it was only the outgoing
student council here to simulate a kidnapping for fun. That
revelation combined with a few minutes of the sleep chemicals in my
brain dissipating made for a dramatic change in my personality and I
went and slipped on some appropriate clothing because I had been
sleeping in just my nakies and some unders. My mom was also supposed
to have had me dress in some jammies to facilitate my abduction but
she forgot that too. Clothed and apologetic about the pop in the jaw
I had given my predecessor I was bundled into the trunk of a car by
my good friend and we chatted in the dark until we were stopped by
the cops.
